[debate #1: utter tripe]

moderator: mr. bush, what is your favorite color?

george bush: let me preface my answer in this way: I'm the best man for the job of president of the united states. in four years I've spectacularly done blah blah blah blah blah pin-a-rose-on-my-nose and look at how shiny and new the world is now.

moderator: mr. kerry, your response, please.

john kerry: you incompetent clod, you're the least best man for the job. in four years you've tried to blah blah blah blah blah but you've bollocksed it up and now look at the world! the world sucks! kim jong il is going to kill us all and it's your fault!

bush: nuh-uh!

kerry: yes-huh!

bush: nuh-uh, you snobby elitist billionaire yale frat-boy!

kerry: I know you are but what am I?

and on and on and on and on and

neither candidate answered the questions; they answered the questions they wished the moderator had asked. and where were the third-party candidates? not invited. and you ridiculous politicians dare to call this a democracy. come on.

my favorite part was when the moderator asked each candidate to 'say something mean and bad about the other guy.' each tried oh-so-hard not to, tried oh-so-hard to come off as a compassionate sensible human being, and only after that formality had been done away with would they launch into what they really, really wanted: blatant partisan negativity! it's like when your mum says you have to eat your broccoli before you can have dessert.

if a streaker had squeaked past security and had gotten onto the debate floor, I would have voted for him (her, it, whatever) instead.

seriously, though. I didn't learn anything about either man, other than they must have practiced a long long long time for tonight's little charade. nothing else.