[everything happens at once.]
we have explosive.
you'll find that I've included my amazon wish list on the sidebar to your right. not that I'd expect anything of you. not really. only in my dreams.
I find myself at the beginning: the oh-so-handy referral counter has, inexplicably, reset itself. how odd.
I find myself still unemployed and still borderline unmotivated. having been jobbin' for three months, what do I have to show for it? one bollocks'd interview and a host of ignored résumés. I know that a job is just around the corner. I just have to look hard enough to find the right corner. and if I keep telling myself that, that's all it will take.
I find myself cleaning a house I don't really want to be in. I want to be out. gone. done with it. moved on.
I find myself. (no, I really don't.) recently I told a friend of mine that if humans can't find meaning in their lives, then they're pretty good at creating meaning instead. I fail it on both accounts.
blah blah blah, boo hoo. introspection is lame. why didn't I stop me?
I find myself leaving it up to chance:
heads=delete.
tails=publish.
even though either way, I know I'm going to hit 'publish post' and be done with it.
whatever.
you'll find that I've included my amazon wish list on the sidebar to your right. not that I'd expect anything of you. not really. only in my dreams.
I find myself at the beginning: the oh-so-handy referral counter has, inexplicably, reset itself. how odd.
I find myself still unemployed and still borderline unmotivated. having been jobbin' for three months, what do I have to show for it? one bollocks'd interview and a host of ignored résumés. I know that a job is just around the corner. I just have to look hard enough to find the right corner. and if I keep telling myself that, that's all it will take.
I find myself cleaning a house I don't really want to be in. I want to be out. gone. done with it. moved on.
I find myself. (no, I really don't.) recently I told a friend of mine that if humans can't find meaning in their lives, then they're pretty good at creating meaning instead. I fail it on both accounts.
blah blah blah, boo hoo. introspection is lame. why didn't I stop me?
I find myself leaving it up to chance:
heads=delete.
tails=publish.
even though either way, I know I'm going to hit 'publish post' and be done with it.
whatever.
2 very splendid and worthwhile comment(s):
that was a very splendid and worthwhile post.
unfortunately were anyone to buy me something from my amazon wishlist, it would cost more than the price of the item to ship it to me :(
i 'jobbed' for at least that long without really trying, and without finding anything either. once i wanted to have a job, something that was right turned up. it generally does :)
what is your dream for a place to live (realistically)? and what is stopping you from making the place you live right now as much that place as possible?
i do not always find meaning important. sometimes it's just ok that i am here, plodding along, doing the little things. sooner or later i imagine that the questions, "am i living it right", and "why?" are going to bother me. but right now i'm dealing with them in really small pieces, and not worrying about not having the answers.
your post gave me this feeling:
I am driving up 85
in the kind of morning
that lasts all afternoon
im just stuck inside the gloomwhich is a john mayer kind of feeling :)
you wrote:
what is your dream for a place to live (realistically)? and what is stopping you from making the place you live right now as much that place as possible?and then time passed, and then I responded.
our realistic ideal goal dream living-place is the small-town town [sic] where Chelsey, my wife, grew up. she loves it, I love it, and we'd be genuinely happy there. we'd get animals and let them run free in the hills behind our small-town house.
what's stopping us is that we rent a duplex (that doesn't allow pets) in a suburban college no-town where we're older than 80% of the population and 40 years younger than another 15% and it all has an unutterably awful feeling of temporarity. like we're always a week and a half from moving and we're just wrapping things up. we both want our lives together to begin, and we're waiting on great things that we can't by ourselves bring about.
do not post a comment (or not).
do not go home (the grass is always greener).