[nothing ever makes sense]
query: why is it called fasting if it goes so slowly?
har. I really just needed an excuse to tell you I'm fasting. here's why: a week ago I was at the beach working on becoming a fat hippo, and I nearly succeeded. I've worked a few figures and have determined that between friday lunch and sunday breakfast I consumed the recommended weekly caloric intake of, roughly, asia. and so to bring balance and confusion to my stomach, I am making it pay.
[stomach] I NEED OVERTIME PAY OR I'M GOING TO GO ON STRIKE
[matt] I'll show you 'overtime'
* matt starves self
[stomach] SUCK IT, FATTY! QUIT STALLING AND GIVE ME THE 'SPOOKY' LUCKY CHARMS
[matt] you be quiet and stop rumbling or I'll cut you in half like evil jared
* stomach falls silent
explanation: it has been brought to my attention (by her) that evil jared--from the subway commercials--had gastric bypass surgery. it wasn't that he ate nice healthy subway sandwiches and went on an exercise regimen, NO NO, it's that his stomach couldn't hold anything so it didn't bloody well matter what he ate. you disgust me, fraudulent corporate whore evil jared. you are my new swear word. (along with dentist)
in my dreams I write as well as neil, but in the morning I can never remember how.
amends: I apologize for what I wrote below. much as it pains me to admit, it was a moment of angst. hopefully a rare moment of angst. we generally try to do better than that.
har. I really just needed an excuse to tell you I'm fasting. here's why: a week ago I was at the beach working on becoming a fat hippo, and I nearly succeeded. I've worked a few figures and have determined that between friday lunch and sunday breakfast I consumed the recommended weekly caloric intake of, roughly, asia. and so to bring balance and confusion to my stomach, I am making it pay.
[stomach] I NEED OVERTIME PAY OR I'M GOING TO GO ON STRIKE
[matt] I'll show you 'overtime'
* matt starves self
[stomach] SUCK IT, FATTY! QUIT STALLING AND GIVE ME THE 'SPOOKY' LUCKY CHARMS
[matt] you be quiet and stop rumbling or I'll cut you in half like evil jared
* stomach falls silent
explanation: it has been brought to my attention (by her) that evil jared--from the subway commercials--had gastric bypass surgery. it wasn't that he ate nice healthy subway sandwiches and went on an exercise regimen, NO NO, it's that his stomach couldn't hold anything so it didn't bloody well matter what he ate. you disgust me, fraudulent corporate whore evil jared. you are my new swear word. (along with dentist)
in my dreams I write as well as neil, but in the morning I can never remember how.
amends: I apologize for what I wrote below. much as it pains me to admit, it was a moment of angst. hopefully a rare moment of angst. we generally try to do better than that.
2 very splendid and worthwhile comment(s):
and here I'd already gone and told everyone I know. well, it's a good version of the truth.
the truth is always way less interesting than the 'truth.'
One of the 30 Subways I go to has a picture of Jarad with his arm around the manager. Ask yourself, would you let someone with a staple in their stomach put their arm around you? I rest my case. Don't bad mouth my #1 Franchise!
do not post a comment (or not).
do not go home (the grass is always greener).