[everything's eventual]

so far this week my paternal grandmother fell and utterly broke her ankle, and my maternal grandmother's appendix ruptured. one of hers fell and (broke? merely injured?) a hip, and another was in a car accident. it makes a guy think. I can't hope to be young forever, but I do hope that when I get old I do so gracefully and without much whining or excessive passive-aggressiveness.

today marks the end of finals week for the school I used to attend (and to which I still live very close), which means that my taunts of 'oh, you're still in school, aren't you?' are completely ineffectual for the next three months, and for some people, never again. lucky you, nerds. summer used to mean happiness and long days of sunshine; now it means work and getting my sunshine through windows. in my dreams I'm not merely immortal but perpetually twenty-two in a world where everything's free. I'm vaguely aware that something in this paragraph contradicts something in the previous one, but only vaguely.

a year ago today (tonight, I suppose) I was watching the transit of venus semi-live on the inter-net. as I recall it was the night before a final I did altogether well on. post hoc, ergo propter hoc? perhaps we'll never know.

[sunday night dread]

responsibility. I am beginning to understand the space between friends.

beck says, in a strange falsetto, that he wants to get with me, and for some reason my sister also, whose name he thinks to be debra. the sugababes each say that they are too lost in me and that I ought not get too close lest I make them disappear (for reasons not immediately clear to me). josh groban says that when I say I love him the world grows still, and that when he's with me if he closes his eyes he feels like he could fly. your offers are tempting but I am sorry, professional musical artists. your songs fail to move me; I am happily married and you cannot have me.

the words of anakin skywalker I have twisted to my sinister purpose: 'scenes of love cannot save this trilogy--only my new powers can.' our loud neighbors make me want to embrace the power of the dark side.

[iterations]

and back around the sun we go again.

where I work, everyone gets the silly 'happy birthday' banners over their desks when their respective birthdays roll around. instead of this, their present to me was not doing it. I'm relieved; I wouldn't have been able to bear the attention.

the last several years my sister has gotten me something else I haven't been able to bear, and every christmas I just gave it back to her. recently she gave up and opened it herself. she played it with her roommate and I don't know why I'm telling you this.


happy birthday from the bottom of your heart. thankya.